Have you ever felt completely surrounded and soaked in love as if it was the medium you lived and breathed in? I believe that the experience of such a feeling is what makes us good and loving people.
I have been fortunate to feel it frequently in my family, school and among other friends. It has enriched my capacity to love.
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It feels different every time. Over time, each time we have met, each gap between when I have thought about you, under various circumstances, it is so different. No language suffices in vocabulary to describe each such feeling. Yet, the one word ‘love’ seems to mean them all. Do you know the variety of ways I’ve loved you? I will attempt to show you recognizable points in this spectrum-
I love you like I do everyone and everything that exists. I respect your existence in this world and value it. I wouldn’t think harm towards you among everything because everything has a right to exist.
I love and value you as a precious and close friend who I can share so many of my thoughts and feelings with and know I will be understood. In fact, we share so many of our ideas, deviant as they may be.
I love you as one would a great teacher, mentor or thinker. Respect and admiration for your mind’s depth. You are the openness who gives me infinite freedom to go anywhere and discover the new. To develop new ideas, to question and ponder.
I trust you with everything I am. I never fear you. You have proved, time and again, that I am right in doing so. Truth in you.
I love you as irrationally as possible. Just the intensity of the feeling gives a healing power to your words, to your voice.
I am willing to give you everything. We live in different worlds and there is so much potential to grow and learn in our interactions. I could show you a simple, childlike, sweet love- a breath of fresh air. An innocence and beauty that makes love sacred.
I could show you the tenderness and adoration of a family.
I want to explore your ways. I believe I can handle all the internal complexity and deviations. Those very aspects are what make you infinite. You could never cease to fascinate me.
In our likeness, we find home.
So I’ve listed a few colours. But can you imagine the range I am trying to express? In texture, brightness, shades? Paint my love in crayon, water colours, oil, charcoal or pencils. Mix them, invent new hues, show them in all combinations. Every work of art that was ever made and ever will be, every note from every instrument, and all possible compositions, and every semantic possibility of every word of every language could still fall short of the ability to cover the spectrum.
I never gave you my heart because- you are me. I am you. And we are timeless.
If I were to shower all these loves on you, you too would be flooded, soaked and surrounded in this medium. Breathe it, live it. You and I would disappear. Lines would become blurry and vague, and finally dissolve. We would become that golden medium- love.