Idealism knocked down

From November 2007

Channel the feelings into art and in that preoccupation, the feelings are absorbed more easily; like a flood, which suddenly found the porous route to the storm drains.

Disillusionment. Why does it hurt?

As we grow up, we are taught ideals, values and morals by which we should approach this world. But, sooner or later, approaching real adulthood, we children realize that the world doesn’t work according to these values. We are the only ones who still believe in and live by them. When we realize and choose to give up hope, we become a true adult. Who says life is pleasant? Who says adulthood is fun or anything we imagined it to be?

Each time (it takes more than once to ‘grow’) the non-logic of people’s minds translates into an action that affects us, it stings. But we are quickly lulled back into a general optimism. Why are we brought up that way? Why not simply teach us the truth from the start?

I went to a funeral today. The death was caused by lack of communication and misunderstanding, perhaps, of objectives and method/focus of working. But why play the blame game? What purpose does it serve?

The first time I entered to office, I expressed my awe, “Wow, I can’t believe I’m actually in — office!” What did I think then. And what do I know now.

Beware, all idealists and hopeful youngsters out there. There’s so much of what you believe in which is not true. I don’t ask you to lose faith and become cynics. Nor do I advocate total optimism. Just be braced with strength to face these things when they hit you.

What I felt in the office during the announcement was not only my pain but the whole groups’. It was the pain of helplessness and anger about not being understood.

But why talk when there’s nothing to discuss? Why argue when no ones listening? Why fight when there was not to be battle in the first place? Why bother…in the end?

The organization may see us as a tool that they can discard or disown, but the disbanding, in the true sense of the word, can’t be done by them. We’ll go on now without the support that we never really had.

What’s to hurt in this? The funeral was of the relationship, which wasn’t all hale and healthy anyway, and also of the idealism some of us carried about the world. I saw one of us break into tears over this death. While another commented on the freedom we now have.

That’s a perspective! Is death the end or liberation?

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