I sought to study biology, in which the brain fascinated me the most. I sought to study cognitive neuroscience of music and ended up sitting in front of the computer. I usually can’t complain. I’m preoccupied, learning this and that imaging software. But is it giving me much more insight into the brain or the mind- no. Not yet. It frustrates me. The slowness, the technical glitches, the requirement to know Command prompt/Terminal to simply pass my data to someone who can fix a problem. I shouldn’t need to be a computer expert to learn more about the brain. But that’s how it is now.
I spend the entire day in front of the computer. My back and shoulders get stiff, eyes sore eventually and although I may watch a movie on it later in the day, or listen to youtube playlists of classical music as I work (to pick out stimuli for my experiment) I feel like I live on this machine. No, don’t start. I know how to fix this and all the things I can do. No-one needs to tell me.
I also didn’t realise how much money is involved in science. People mould projects out of what will get them funding! Practical as this might be, I find that there may not actually be freedom of choice of study. I’m sure it won’t be long before I discover politics and power games here too.
I also miss homefood. The way my mum makes it. I miss the way she runs the house. I never realised order required so much work! I am deeply appreciative and grateful now that I’m trying to do something similar. I miss the Bangalore air in the night or early mornings. How fresh, chill (but not freezing).
I’ve been eating too many chocolate things. Cakes, rolls, chocolates themselves, icecream… I’m not visibly putting on weight but I feel like I need a break from the unhealthy trends of my eating habits. Good fresh, non GM fruits. Not just plain old apples and oranges.
I’m just irritated by so many things. People who talk too little or talk too much about boring things, juggling responsibilities, trying to find passion and meaning in every moment, in myself.
I’m glad it’s Friday evening.