I have been grappling with some difficult questions about home and belonging, what to do with life, whether this PhD is just a job to me or more, and who I am.
How intensely have you questioned your sanity? Today my brain perceived differently- I saw at angles I hadn’t seen before and heard at times I couldn’t explain. I didn’t like it. The violence, the hatred, the filthy perversion suddenly struck me freshly. As was everything else. It was too sharp. I couldn’t breathe. In fresh air I moved like one dead. I was dead. All my motor functions were mechanical. I don’t remember. I tried to gain back life from leaves. But I needed a tree- to really hug a tree.